Happy New Year?

It has been kind of a rough beginning for this year. The first week in January started with my beloved Uncle Ed passing away after a few short weeks since his diagnosis of lung and bone cancer. The funeral was in Florida so my dad, Ben and I drove down to pay our respects. It was special in a way because I got to see cousins that I had not seen since I was a kid. We spent a couple days with Sharon in Ft. Myers before the funeral and dad really wanted to go to Orlando on the way home.
So we ended up going to Sea World with dad. It was a perfect day. Blue skies and 65 degrees in January. It was fun to see my dad and ben enjoying the shows. Ben was too little to remember our last trip there. We stayed in a very luxurious Hilton with a resort like pool and waterfall. Ben had the pool all to himself. There was an ice storm throughout the south so we had to stay an extra day. Dad paid for Ben and I to go to the Magic Kingdom. It was amazing. Ben and I were there for 7 hours of pure enjoyment. He loved hugging the characters and getting his picture taken with them. So much fun since it was not too crowded. We came back home in one day and 19 and 1/2 hour drive to a huge snowstorm.
While I was in Florida, we received some tragic news. Scott's brother and his wife went to the 21 week ultrasound to find out the sexes of their twins and both heartbeats were gone. It took 3 days to deliver their little angels and they spent some very precious moments holding their babies after birth. It is every mothers' worst nightmare and it was so hard to watch them suffer through it. They had a beautiful funeral and memorial service and were laid to rest in the garden of angels at a local funeral home. My girls were so saddened to learn the fate of their baby cousins. It was especially hard to see their 5 year old son, Graham, suffer the loss of his little sisters. He was so excited about having playmates. Our hearts suffer with them and I am sure God is walking this path right there with them to see them through.

Christmas 2010

This has been a very memorable Christmas for so many reasons. Sharon came in town 5 days early and happened to get very sick with Influenza type A. She had to be quarantined for the whole time leading up to Christmas eve. This year was especially hard around the holidays. Tim is in the middle of a divorce and it is painful to be around Tim and have him hurting so much inside. Tim is our happy go lucky guy...always a party. He has his ups and downs but I know it will be very difficult around the holidays. I also know that mom and dad are not getting any younger. I try to really hold on tight to special moments with them because I always keep it in the back of my mind that it might be the last Christmas with them. That is why I will remember this as being one of my favorite. A snow storm hit Christmas eve and dumped about 5 inches of snow on us. Mom and Dad spent the night and were able to wake up on Christmas morning with all 4 girls and our families. Very special and I am so grateful to God for the opportunity. 7 months ago when Dad was in the hospital recovering from kidney cancer surgery, I remember thinking..."he might just not recover from this." How many lives can one person have? For dad, that number is definately nearing 9. Many friends have lost their parents and I do not take a minute for granted.
Another reason this Christmas is so special is that Sharon brought Eric in for their first holiday in st. louis. The excitement between them is contagious and there is no one on earth that deserves the happiness she has found more that her. To welcome Eric into the family, Jackie bought him a t-shirt that says "yes, dear" to match the ones she bought for scott, brett and dan two years ago. When he opened it up, the other 3 peeled off their overshirts to reveal their own "yes, dear" shirts. We are all so excited for what the new year has in store for the two of them.
I am also so excited for my nephew TJ. He graduated a semester early and got a great job in Texas. He left town yesterday to start his new life. Us four girls took him to fast eddies to both celebrate his 21st bday and to send him off with the best advice we could give him. I pray that he stays close to his values and lives to his potential. That kid means so much to me. I have been there for every milestone since he was born and I just can't believe that he is on his own.
So I am thankful for the wonder that the Christmas season brought this year. Having my family in good health and all here made it a very memorable time.

Way to go Lauren!

I experienced such a wonderful thing today when I picked up the kids from school. As typical me, I totally forgot Lauren was having a spelling bee today and we went over the words once 2 weeks ago and I lost track of the list. Her teacher whispered that she won the spelling bee. I could not have been more proud. Of course Emily had to try and take her thunder and point out that she did not have one today, but if she had, she would have won. I just wanted to scream "shut up Emily and let Lauren enjoy her success for 2 minutes" but of course I did not. I have struggled so much with raising a second child. She has frequently been known as Jeckle and hyde with the wide variances in her mood swings. But, inside that little girl, is the most endearing heart. She has and feels empathy which is something most adults I know cannot achieve. There is no one that can pick me up on a low day or wipe away a tear like Lauren. She takes things so personally which makes my job difficult, but when her words or actions hurt someone, she truly feels bad and tries her best to make it better. There are several "second" children in my family whose lives have been badly hurt but the parenting differences between no.1 and no. 2. I am trying to be aware of my every decision. It is so hard. Emily is just easy. Does what she is told, perfect student doesn't give me a lot of trouble. It is that fire in Lauren that challenges me, but I know, she will let nothing get in her way down the road. Things don't come as easy for her so every success that she has will be from her own determination and hard work. I hope Emily realizes that she cannot take everything for granted. It all may come easy for her, but she will still need a good work ethic to be truly successful. As for Ben, I may need to find an instruction manual. I fear I have spent so much effort not screwing up the first two, that I am totally lost in raising him :)

The weekend

I am really going to try to post at least once a week to keep up with the events of the past week. Most notably, while mom was at happy hour last Thursday, Ben managed to climb to the top of his dresser and get a child proof cap off on some benadryl. Scott called in a panic and I had never experienced this before so I had him call the doctor. Luckily, it takes way more than I thought to cause any harm, however i spent the entire night with Ben laying across me. It is frightening to think how careful you can be a million times over, but that one split second that you aren't, the consequences that can come about.
Saturday, we went as a family to Breakfast with Santa at school. It was pretty chaotic but the kids had fun. I was more concerned with the meal I was going to prepare later that evening for Scott's family to celebrate his dad's 70th birthday. I had pulled out all the china and crystal and fresh flowers to really have a beautiful table setting. I made crabcakes, green bean bundles wrapped with bacon, asian salad, homemade mac and cheese and beef tenderloin with a red wine reduction. Everything turned out pretty good. My friend Laurie made her amazing white chocolate cheesecake with the piroette cookies around it and fresh raspberries on top. it was really beautiful. It was so nice to spend such a long time with Scott's family since we see so little of each other. Ben and Graham get along so well and of course the girls love playing together.
I feel much more relaxed starting this week with that big party behind me. I am done shopping for Christmas and Sharon comes in next monday so we will have a few days to see her alone before Eric comes in.

I'm back!

Well, I figured after a whole year of not posting, it was time I rejoin the blog world and document some of the happenings in my life. I do this blog for me, don't really care if anyone ever reads it but it is a way for me to express some of my thoughts on paper and a way to save some of the person I am for my kids to read about in their future.
Life is really busy. I always have to remember the famous quote from Ferris Bueller "if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." There are too many blessings in my life to name them all, but this year I am especially grateful that my dad is healthy and here with us. After being diagnosed with kidney cancer in may and undergoing a pretty serious operation, I am recognizing how fortunate I am to have both of my parents. I went to too many funerals of friends who lost theirs this year and I know how limited time is and I make a conscious effort to see them often. My parents made it to the big 5-0 in July and we had quite a celebration in June with all 8 kids, spouses and 18 grandkids. The 4 of us girls and our families took mom and dad on a trip to Door County, Wisconsin in August after dad had fully recovered.
With the girls being in 3rd and 1st grade, and Ben started preschool 2 days a week, I actually have 9 hours a week that I can claim for myself. Usually it is taken up with errands, but sometimes I get to just sit in the still of my house, just like I am now. I am amazed at how different each child can be and what different challenges I face trying to parent each one of them to meet their specific needs. Both of my girls are in the enrichment learning program at school and of course Lauren being 6, is so excited to leave her class to do extra reading. Emily, on the other hand, has been in the program for 3 years and does not want to be. She feels she is punished by having to do extra work. I received a message from the learning consultant yesterday saying she did not do her "extra work" and had 2 weeks to do it. I was mortified. I have never even had to look at or check up on whether or not she did her homework. When we got home, I confronted her about it, and she was very angry and said that she hated it and did not want to have to do extra work since most of the other kids in her class didn't have to. I explained to her the importance of developing the gifts that God gave us and reading is one of her special gifts. This advanced reading program that she was selected for is a way to develop and improve upon that gift. I also quoted one of my sayings that is a credo of mine.."To whom much is given, much is expected from." I remember in the days that I worked full time, I was always the nurse getting the really difficult challenging patients and felt like an easy target. When I confronted my boss about it, she said it was because I was the most capable and organized to do the job well. It did change my perspective some. I talked about how her aunt has a gift of singing and it would be sad if she didn't share it by joining the choir or helping out with the children for the musical when she was asked. I also told her about my ablity to take care of people and that is why I clean grandma's house and send in homemade meals and do her laundry.
She said she didn't want to be in the program but at this point I am not letting her quit. Status quo has never been an option for me, neither has passing up opportunities. I am going to focus on rewarding her effort more, because I think since it comes easy for her, I tend not to praise her school efforts as much. I have to constantly remind my kids of how privileged they are to be in a loving warm environment and go to a good school. There is just so much that is taken for granted. That is all for now.

Gratefulness

I have been so lucky in my life. I am constantly sitting here waiting for something to go wrong because it seems that just about everything falls in to place for me. After 2 weeks of having a pretty stressed out husband about whether or not he would still have a job, we were so blessed to find out yesterday that he does. It made me so sad at the same time to hear about a fellow coworker that was going to have to go to her family and tell them the bad news. I was pretty calm at the whole idea. I am a very capable and trained person and if needed I am sure I could step up to the plate if needed to support my family and how lucky am I to have so many family members to turn to in time of need. At MOPS we usually send shoe boxes full of presents at Christmas time each year to third world countries. This year with so many in need in our own parish we are going to adopt one or two families and provide for a wonderful Christmas for them. Those families represent so much what could be any one of us in that given circumstance.
My dad, God love him, was just telling me again how important the rosary is and how I should be sitting down with my kids each night to say it. While I do find comfort in the rosary, I am still pretty traumatized by having to say it in my childhood so much. Jackie was screaming half the time, people were complaining about having to kneel down, Mary would be doing random exercises during it. I just did not get a single thing out of it growing up and all the arguing and fighting just to get everyone to comply just seemed to negate the purpose of it. It was not until I became a mother when I felt the need to connect to Mary in that special way. I think of all the ways that the time could have been better spent. To be honest, I think a family board game where we were all connecting and laughing together would have been a better use of the time. I am convinced kids seeing Christ in action is so much more valuable than sitting down reading a prayer over and over. Parents hugging, talking laughing, building their relationship...that is Christ. Taking meals to a mom with a new baby or a parishioner who just had surgery...that is Christ. Showing my children why we can't have a nintendo DS and showing them the check for the catholic appeal and explaining where that money goes..that is Christ. I was in such a hurry in the grocery store the other day and this woman grabbed a bag of frozen french fries and they must have been open and flew all over the floor. I took half a step past her with all 3 kids in tow and then I stopped to help her pick them up with my girls watching me, and then joining in. I grew up with such a disconnect between what I heard and what I saw. I do not believe that you can guarantee heaven just by saying the rosary and going to church everyday. For me as a Catholic, adhering to church guidelines are essential and at minimal sunday mass is a must, but I am going out on a limb and taking a little bit of a different approach than my parents did in teaching faith and love for Jesus. For me the motto will be "Do as I do" and knowing those eyes are always on my makes me want to seize every opportunity I can to teach the love of Jesus!

The Fall

I just love this time of year but we have gone from summer just about to winter. Last weekend we closed out our camping season for the year up at Cuivre River. We went with the Stahls, Azars, Jax and Dan and Amy, Suzy and Jim and Sue. It was the crappiest coldest weather we have had camping but we didn't let it ruin our good time. I love that we have made such good friends in Emily's class. I never expected that. I have always had the security of the Vogels which have been my rock most of my life. I have a small handful of friends that have come along the way but most have come and gone. I truly am blessed to have found what I believe to be forever friends here at Assumption. I am even more excited that I believe Em has found her "Amy Vogel" in her friend Jaden. I can totally see them 20 years from now traveling around the world together and being in each others' lives. It was neat camping last weekend because Em had 3 other friends with us and they all had a sleepover in Jackie's bunkbed room in her camper. They roasted marshmellows together, went hiking, went to their soccer game and made countless memories. No matter how much work it was to get ready and clean up after camping, I will never regret it for the memories they made will last forever.
I am also so thankful for this alone time I have with Ben. We have gotten to snuggle so much while those girls are at school and he regularly gives me "sugar" sweet little kisses on my cheek. This morning when I dropped the girls off, Ben grabbed on to Lauren's hand and said "You stay with me!" He was very quiet and sad when she jumped out of the car. Earlier this week a cute thing happened. Dad met me a church in the morning and told me to pack a lunch for Ben. He took him back to his house and spend the day building a train set that had a whistle and blew real smoke. He didn't bring him back till 4pm. How lucky I am, how blessed I am.