Gratefulness

I have been so lucky in my life. I am constantly sitting here waiting for something to go wrong because it seems that just about everything falls in to place for me. After 2 weeks of having a pretty stressed out husband about whether or not he would still have a job, we were so blessed to find out yesterday that he does. It made me so sad at the same time to hear about a fellow coworker that was going to have to go to her family and tell them the bad news. I was pretty calm at the whole idea. I am a very capable and trained person and if needed I am sure I could step up to the plate if needed to support my family and how lucky am I to have so many family members to turn to in time of need. At MOPS we usually send shoe boxes full of presents at Christmas time each year to third world countries. This year with so many in need in our own parish we are going to adopt one or two families and provide for a wonderful Christmas for them. Those families represent so much what could be any one of us in that given circumstance.
My dad, God love him, was just telling me again how important the rosary is and how I should be sitting down with my kids each night to say it. While I do find comfort in the rosary, I am still pretty traumatized by having to say it in my childhood so much. Jackie was screaming half the time, people were complaining about having to kneel down, Mary would be doing random exercises during it. I just did not get a single thing out of it growing up and all the arguing and fighting just to get everyone to comply just seemed to negate the purpose of it. It was not until I became a mother when I felt the need to connect to Mary in that special way. I think of all the ways that the time could have been better spent. To be honest, I think a family board game where we were all connecting and laughing together would have been a better use of the time. I am convinced kids seeing Christ in action is so much more valuable than sitting down reading a prayer over and over. Parents hugging, talking laughing, building their relationship...that is Christ. Taking meals to a mom with a new baby or a parishioner who just had surgery...that is Christ. Showing my children why we can't have a nintendo DS and showing them the check for the catholic appeal and explaining where that money goes..that is Christ. I was in such a hurry in the grocery store the other day and this woman grabbed a bag of frozen french fries and they must have been open and flew all over the floor. I took half a step past her with all 3 kids in tow and then I stopped to help her pick them up with my girls watching me, and then joining in. I grew up with such a disconnect between what I heard and what I saw. I do not believe that you can guarantee heaven just by saying the rosary and going to church everyday. For me as a Catholic, adhering to church guidelines are essential and at minimal sunday mass is a must, but I am going out on a limb and taking a little bit of a different approach than my parents did in teaching faith and love for Jesus. For me the motto will be "Do as I do" and knowing those eyes are always on my makes me want to seize every opportunity I can to teach the love of Jesus!

The Fall

I just love this time of year but we have gone from summer just about to winter. Last weekend we closed out our camping season for the year up at Cuivre River. We went with the Stahls, Azars, Jax and Dan and Amy, Suzy and Jim and Sue. It was the crappiest coldest weather we have had camping but we didn't let it ruin our good time. I love that we have made such good friends in Emily's class. I never expected that. I have always had the security of the Vogels which have been my rock most of my life. I have a small handful of friends that have come along the way but most have come and gone. I truly am blessed to have found what I believe to be forever friends here at Assumption. I am even more excited that I believe Em has found her "Amy Vogel" in her friend Jaden. I can totally see them 20 years from now traveling around the world together and being in each others' lives. It was neat camping last weekend because Em had 3 other friends with us and they all had a sleepover in Jackie's bunkbed room in her camper. They roasted marshmellows together, went hiking, went to their soccer game and made countless memories. No matter how much work it was to get ready and clean up after camping, I will never regret it for the memories they made will last forever.
I am also so thankful for this alone time I have with Ben. We have gotten to snuggle so much while those girls are at school and he regularly gives me "sugar" sweet little kisses on my cheek. This morning when I dropped the girls off, Ben grabbed on to Lauren's hand and said "You stay with me!" He was very quiet and sad when she jumped out of the car. Earlier this week a cute thing happened. Dad met me a church in the morning and told me to pack a lunch for Ben. He took him back to his house and spend the day building a train set that had a whistle and blew real smoke. He didn't bring him back till 4pm. How lucky I am, how blessed I am.

Camping

Well here I am blogging again after a very long hiatus. Ever since summer started I have hit the ground running. I could not wait to be done with schedules and getting kids up super early and keeping track of homework and countless things that needed to be turned in. Now the reason I am busy is doing the things that I love. We have been to six flags at least 5 times, the zoo and science center a few times each. We go to the pool to meet friends and the park and last but not least, camping. I am so thankful that Scott and I have this passion to share with our kids. I get the most fulfillment from our weekends away. Away from computers, telephones, tvs and in the most serene settings I find myself so much closer to God than in this house full of noise. I don't mean noise of 3 screaming kids either. I am talking about a noise that is so damaging that it leaves little room for love. When we camp, I still have my regular chores but for some reason, all that extra stuff falls to the wayside and it is just me and my little family. Last weekend the girls and I were riding our bikes and stopped to take a break and I looked over and 15 feet away was a deer in the woods eating leaves. The girls' eyes were huge! We just stood there for what seemed like an eternity just watching it then it crossed right in front of us over the road. Amazing! I love to see the dyanmic between Scott and I when we camp. whether it is setting up or breaking down or just handling the kids while we cook, we are a total team. There is no fighting or bickering or dictating, we just jump in and get er done! My dad had pointed that out last year when he camped for a weekend with us and it made me pay attention. It rained most of last weekend when we camped and I just gave up and let the kids have fun. It was a total mudfest and they had a blast. I love that they want and appreciate all that the outdoors has to offer. That is truly God's creation, not this laptop or my cellphone.
We went swimming in a river closeby with my dad and had so much fun. He showed up in shorts and I have not seen his legs in at least 20 years, neither has the sun! He sat with his feet in the river while ben would pour water on his lower legs. Each time ben walked away, grandpa would splash some water at him from behind and pretend he did not do it. Well, after a few times, little ben got his revenge. He filled his bucket up and walked over to dad as if to just put it on his lower legs, but then he dumped it all over his clothes. The water was pretty cold and dad let out quite a scream. they both laughed so hard and so long my heart was just so full it could burst! I wish I could just lock those little images in my heart forever to show Ben when he is older. It was great!

What a wonderful life!

It has been a while since my last post. I kind have felt like I have been on that treadmill lately and it makes me frustrated that I am not making the time to pray, and reflect and write like I should. This brings me such peace. I just got back from my 3rd wake in a month and hopefully if things come in threes, I should be good for a while. After a somewhat "wild and crazy" night last night, I woke up with such a wonderful feeling. Scott and I had been out till midnight, way past our bedtime, and were so tired when Em came in at 7:30am and said "it's morning." I groaned and with a totally chipper voice she said "don't worry mom, I've got things under control. I will figure out how to get Ben out of his crib and take care of him" She instructed us to go back to bed. 20 minutes later after a little more shut eye she came in and said " no, don't get up, stay in bed, things are still under control. I gave ben and lauren their milk and put a show on and I want to know if I could feed them fruit bars for breakfast?" Unfortunately, we had no fruit bars and they both eat oatmeal everyday! It was amazingly cute and I love that child to death for her good intentions- really meant the world. Well, as I promised yesterday, I had to play Clue Jr. with her so we went up to her room, Ben followed with his dinosaurs to line them up in the windowsill and then scott came up with 2 cups of coffee and Lauren ready to play paperdolls with him. The sun was shining, I knew it was warm outside and I looked around in that tiny room and thought, I really do have as perfect of a life as one can have. There was nothing I could have possibly desired to be different right there in that moment. I wanted for absolutely nothing, well, except for Ben to quit sticking his dirty little fingers in my hot coffee and licking them off!
I am sure I pass these moments up on a daily basis and it breaks my heart. It was truly profound and I know how much I need to just be in the moment instead of always looking and planning ahead. However, ever since childhood, I always still have this little twinge in me that is always waiting for the ball to drop. After all, no life is perfect, right? And when I say that I feel my life is perfect, I do not in any way mean that those in my life are perfect. Because we are so the contrary. What I mean is that in my little tiny family bubble at schoal creek drive, we are completely and totally accepting of each others imperfections and we build our family around our love which strives for perfection. I know that the only truly perfect love can only come from God, but boy what happens in this house is pretty close. Lately I have been going out alot and to several happy hours and moms night out and such and I look so much more forward to those minutes I get to steal just with my family. No tvs, no wii no leapster. Just hanging in the backyard together. It just couldn't have gotten any better than today! Thanks God!

Sad Day

This was not the best of days for me. I learned late this morning that my dad's sister who is a nun, had passed away from pancreatic cancer. She just found out she had it in december and for her sake I am glad she went quickly and peacefully. This happens to be the 3 sister of my dad who has died from cancer in the last 10 years. It makes me fearful for the women in our family with such bad statistics, especially when you add colon and prostate and melanoma from the men in his family. I don't know exactly why it hit me so hard when i heard the news. We totally were expecting it and praying for it for some time. I was not especially close to her but I found myself sobbing in my bed when Ben was asleep and the girls were at school. I had an overwhelming sense that in the not so distant future I would be going through this with my own parents. I try to think about it to somewhat prepare me but I cannot really fathom what my life will look like without either of them. I talk to mom at 9:15 every morning except for weds on her day off. I have been without dad in town for 3 weeks now as he is golfing in florida and i never realized how much I still rely on him. Not just for babysitting but for car issues or to share some exciting news. I know life will go on and I am so lucky to have so many siblings for us to help each other through it but every funeral I attend I just stop and wonder if the next one will be someone in my immediate family. It is very depressing to think about and I do not dwell on it, but acknowledging that it will happen makes me more aware and grateful for the times we have left. I am glad I have such and open relationship with my parents and have freely and often told them how grateful I am for the life they gave me.

Girlfriends

Oh my gosh, what a night. I just spent 3+ hours with a friend who i went to St. Marys academy with my freshman year and then when it closed about 15 of us went to ursuline academy. I had not seen her since 1993 and was a little apprehensive about going and what we would talk about. It was so much fun! We reminisced about what we have been doing the last 15 years and so much about high school and the people that were so important then that mean next to nothing to our lives now. It really sent me into a panic just thinking about it. My life is like these little sections that are so different and the people in each section are totally different and most of them I do not have any relationship with. It really bothers me because at those different sections of my life those people meant everything to me and now I don't know where they are or what they are doing. How do you drift away so quickly and never seem to return. I can't help but to think "who is in my life now that is important that won't be here in 5 years?" I know when we wrote BFF in the eighth grade to each other we were not texting but rather making picture frames or photo albums with the sticky clear paper.
I am so glad to have a group of friends from early grade school. I just learned today my maid of honor Amy is moving within 4 miles of my house and am so excited. I was telling my friend tonight about my group of girlfriends and she said how jealous she was of me. She not only is an only child but has not maintained any more than one of her childhood friendships. How lucky am I. I need to keep telling myself that and not fretting over all the relationships I have failed to maintain but rather focusing on those I have. I am thrilled to have reconnected with my high school friend alison and my dear college friend Sarah. I am confident those will stand the test of time. I am grateful to facebook for giving me back some of my youth in recounting people and stories that I have not heard in many years. I was never big on numbers and strongly focused on quality, not quantity of friends that I have. When I picked my wedding party I made sure that I would still be just as close 10 years from then with those people as I was on my wedding day and I was thrilled last year to say it was true. How lucky I am. I make new friends all the time with Emily's school parents and I know those are so important as we will be together for 8 years of sleepovers and soccer. However I am so grateful for my everlasting group of girlfriends that have stood the test of time. Okay, it is time to say goodnight!

Brand New Year

Well it has been a while since my last post. Christmas was nice and uneventful. I was very proud of my children's reactions to all of their presents. In all I spent $54 on Emily, $44 on Lauren and $12.99 on Ben. Yes, that is right, poor Bennie. Fortunate for me and probably unfortunate for him I found a box of toys at mom and dad's house that were in the laundry room. I had them their since em was born but cannot recall the last time i took them out. Yes, I did wrap them up and pawn them off as Santa gifts so Ben would have the same number as his sisters. The girls did not even recognize them. they were as excited as he was. I could not justify spending another dollar on toys after donating nearly $200 of our used toys to the goodwill right before Christmas. The girls got new webkinz which is all they really asked for besides the Wii. They got new outfits for their American Girl dolls (from Target of course). They enjoyed their numerous gifts from all their cousins, aunts and uncles and grandparents and I just did not see a need to pick up more shifts to buy more stuff.
Then came New Years Day. Emily reminded me that I promised her a birthday party at an inflatables place this year. When I added up how many girls I had to invite and how much it was per person, it came to $300. Crazy! But a promise is a promise and I came up with a brilliant offer. What if I were to buy her a Wii instead of a party? I would actually come out on top. She thought it over and said "Mom, a party would be over after 2 hours but I could play the Wii forever, right?" She chose the wii and I was so proud of her for making the right decision herself. As much as she wanted to sit on the Monkey Joes inflatable throne and be the center of attention, she knew that her moment in the spotlight would be gone in a blink....but the excitement of the Wii would last forever. Just kidding. It will at least last longer than a blink.
The first day I got it I told them the time limit was unlimited. After that, one hour of media a day as a combination of the wii, computer and tv. I am certain Em may never watch tv again.
This is something that came up before Christmas when we bought stuff for poor kids and it came up again last weekend when a friend came over to spend the night. Emily didn't understand why Santa would buy some kids so much more and expensive toys than others and not give some kids anything. I just don't have an answer for that. I do not agree in the whole lying to kids about santa and the tooth fairy and all these other things. I know they are just in fun but I know in deeply thinking kids it has to mess with them. Did she do something bad and that is why her friend got more? Does Santa not love poor kids as much? I tried to explain to her that Santa knows that we have a brand new camper and that we get to go camping many many times each year and he might have given those kids more toys because they do not go as many places and need more things to play with. Some day she will understand. I often have to remind her why we don't have the money to buy alot of extras that some friends have since I don't work much. She usually says that she wishes I would work more to buy those things for her. I know she is thinking with the brain of a 6 year old and maybe someday she will realize the sacrifice we have made. I always felt the same way when I was in grade school. I wanted mom to go to work so bad so I could get guess jeans like everyone else.
Well, this weekend the Elfrinks are heading south to Branson for a 3 day stay at the amazing Big Cedar Lodge resort owned by BassPro shops. We have a 2 bedroom private log cabin which we will be sharing with the neighbors (Jackie and Dan). I am so excited. Scott and I have not been there in 5 years and it will be fun to show everyone the property right on Tablerock lake. The kids can't wait to swim in the indoor pool. Should be fun!