Sad Day

This was not the best of days for me. I learned late this morning that my dad's sister who is a nun, had passed away from pancreatic cancer. She just found out she had it in december and for her sake I am glad she went quickly and peacefully. This happens to be the 3 sister of my dad who has died from cancer in the last 10 years. It makes me fearful for the women in our family with such bad statistics, especially when you add colon and prostate and melanoma from the men in his family. I don't know exactly why it hit me so hard when i heard the news. We totally were expecting it and praying for it for some time. I was not especially close to her but I found myself sobbing in my bed when Ben was asleep and the girls were at school. I had an overwhelming sense that in the not so distant future I would be going through this with my own parents. I try to think about it to somewhat prepare me but I cannot really fathom what my life will look like without either of them. I talk to mom at 9:15 every morning except for weds on her day off. I have been without dad in town for 3 weeks now as he is golfing in florida and i never realized how much I still rely on him. Not just for babysitting but for car issues or to share some exciting news. I know life will go on and I am so lucky to have so many siblings for us to help each other through it but every funeral I attend I just stop and wonder if the next one will be someone in my immediate family. It is very depressing to think about and I do not dwell on it, but acknowledging that it will happen makes me more aware and grateful for the times we have left. I am glad I have such and open relationship with my parents and have freely and often told them how grateful I am for the life they gave me.